Alles wat Jan bezig houdt, interesseert en irriteert... en ook een beetje onzin...

dinsdag, april 11, 2023

All the nerds are dead - by Sam Kriss - Numb at the Lodge

I think the big tipping point came in 2012, with the release of Marvel's first Avengers film. At the time, I was living in Los Angeles; I went to see the thing with two of my fraternity brothers. (Long story.) One of them had the bright idea of sneaking in some alcohol, disguised in a large bottle of cranberry juice. He poured out half the juice and replaced it with vodka, before discovering that this cranberry juice was the unsweetened kind, and that drinking even a sip of it instantly dessicated your mouth and made your tongue convulse and sent sharp waves of acid pain zipping horribly through your mucous membranes and into your brain. But he'd spent money on the stuff, so he kept drinking it. After thirty minutes in the cinema, he'd polished off the entire bottle and was starting to show signs of distress. He kept lolling around in his seat. His head seemed too heavy for his neck, and he would disturb the other viewers by mumble-shouting fuck yeah! at entirely random points in the film. The person sitting in front of him turned around and told him to shut up, that some people were actually trying to enjoy their experience and he was ruining it for everyone. The culprit swayed and gurgled and called him a pussy. Then, about halfway through the film, he suddenly vomited an immense quantity of stinking blood-red liquid over his shirt, over the seat in front of him, and over its occupant. He gasped. I'm ok, he said. Then he puked again. Another hot, sour gush splattered over everything in a two-metre radius. This time it had chunks in it. After some tussling, we managed to carry him outside. My hands were sticky with half-digested spew. I'm fine, he said. I wanna see the movie. Viscous dribblings trickled off the edge of his chin. Let's go back in there, he said. Let me find that pussy in front. I'm gonna kick his ass. Tryna talk like that to me. He stood up, tried to walk in two different directions at once, and fell over. We ordered a cab.

This was, I think, the first and only time anyone has reacted entirely appropriately to the Marvel Cinematic Universe.